I have been thinking about writing for a while, but it just seems too overwhelming to me at times. As you might have known, my dad passed away on the 21st of September. It's hard to put into words the things I have experienced the last year and a half cause it seems that I need to relive it and just writing this has made me cry a few times, but I do want to write this newsletter to honour him.
I miss him a lot. Much of my life was surrounded by dad's presence and guidance. His calling as a minister wasn't easy with all the responsibility of raising a family at a young age, let alone having approval from his immediate family. I grew up knowing and hearing from my parents that I should not be a full-time minister cause life is hard. But turns out that God has a similar plan for me. Here I am, still a missionary after 10 years and probably for the rest of my life.
The last year and a half have been very difficult. We first heard about dad's declining health from February 2020, right before the pandemic hit. On that first appointment after the check-up, the doctor said to him to bring all the immediate family. During that meeting with the doctor, my brother was crying which he rarely expressed. I knew that it's all very serious. My dad was fighting and surviving a few different things, from heart complications, a leaking lung, shortness of breath, but what took him was a heart attack.
I miss him a lot. Much of my life was surrounded by dad's presence and guidance. His calling as a minister wasn't easy with all the responsibility of raising a family at a young age, let alone having approval from his immediate family. I grew up knowing and hearing from my parents that I should not be a full-time minister cause life is hard. But turns out that God has a similar plan for me. Here I am, still a missionary after 10 years and probably for the rest of my life.
The last year and a half have been very difficult. We first heard about dad's declining health from February 2020, right before the pandemic hit. On that first appointment after the check-up, the doctor said to him to bring all the immediate family. During that meeting with the doctor, my brother was crying which he rarely expressed. I knew that it's all very serious. My dad was fighting and surviving a few different things, from heart complications, a leaking lung, shortness of breath, but what took him was a heart attack.
We found out the week before his passing that his heart's functioning at 23% and they need to make a quick appointment for surgery to put a stent in his heart. He was in the ICU for a few days and as he was about to go into the ICU, he called me and we talked a little bit. My last question for him before we hung up the phone was about coming home and he said no, he wants me to stay in Australia. And little did we know that was our last conversation. He was in the hospital for a few more days and passed away after the operation.
His funeral happened quickly and with the current pandemic situation, I would have to go into quarantine for 2 weeks once I landed in Jakarta which would be the worst position to put myself into, as I know I would need a community around me. My mom and my brother had a lot of help from their friends, and especially from our extended family. I was able to join in via Zoom for the funeral and burial processes, with many friends taking turns surrounding me. I also took a week off to go away to grief and with the hope to gain strength. Certainly I have many wishes and questions, but with the help of the community of YWAM Perth, I feel that I can stand back up again.
His funeral happened quickly and with the current pandemic situation, I would have to go into quarantine for 2 weeks once I landed in Jakarta which would be the worst position to put myself into, as I know I would need a community around me. My mom and my brother had a lot of help from their friends, and especially from our extended family. I was able to join in via Zoom for the funeral and burial processes, with many friends taking turns surrounding me. I also took a week off to go away to grief and with the hope to gain strength. Certainly I have many wishes and questions, but with the help of the community of YWAM Perth, I feel that I can stand back up again.
Everyone processes grief differently. One of my first quiet times was this reading from The Message Bible.
"When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did." I laughed once I read that because a week before dad's passing I had an accident and I needed to get stitches on my chin. And this verse somehow speaks so personally to me that I need to keep on going. I have been back on base after 2 weeks and a few days off and still cry at times, and there will be sadness for a while. But I have found my feet on the ground because of the community around me. There are many that I have considered my second family and many friends who invested their time to be with me during this hard season. Having that clear expectation from dad for me to keep on serving Jesus and for me confidently knowing that this is my calling has brought clarity and strength. Hearing His voice when I feel like my life is falling apart has been my constant safe place in the daily. And knowing that my family is doing well has been a real peace of mind - please continue to lift them up in your prayers.
If you have reached out to me during this time, I want to say thank you. My family and I are grateful for the support you have shown. Many of you also have been asking me if there's anything you can do, my family and I would very much appreciate your support, especially for my mom. As her children, we hope to be able to continue to care for her. Lowkey about this but in the future, she is also interested in doing a DTS (Discipleship Training School), the program that YWAM runs - which is what she was hoping and I am excited about! If you wish to give financially to mom, please follow this link and put details in your giving: https://givingtotirza.myportfolio.com/home.
"When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did." I laughed once I read that because a week before dad's passing I had an accident and I needed to get stitches on my chin. And this verse somehow speaks so personally to me that I need to keep on going. I have been back on base after 2 weeks and a few days off and still cry at times, and there will be sadness for a while. But I have found my feet on the ground because of the community around me. There are many that I have considered my second family and many friends who invested their time to be with me during this hard season. Having that clear expectation from dad for me to keep on serving Jesus and for me confidently knowing that this is my calling has brought clarity and strength. Hearing His voice when I feel like my life is falling apart has been my constant safe place in the daily. And knowing that my family is doing well has been a real peace of mind - please continue to lift them up in your prayers.
If you have reached out to me during this time, I want to say thank you. My family and I are grateful for the support you have shown. Many of you also have been asking me if there's anything you can do, my family and I would very much appreciate your support, especially for my mom. As her children, we hope to be able to continue to care for her. Lowkey about this but in the future, she is also interested in doing a DTS (Discipleship Training School), the program that YWAM runs - which is what she was hoping and I am excited about! If you wish to give financially to mom, please follow this link and put details in your giving: https://givingtotirza.myportfolio.com/home.
Mom and my brother are doing well and we have been on calls almost every day. I miss them very much, and really hoping to be able to spend a good chunk of time with family this coming year. My life has changed quite drastically the past few months and not just about dad's passing, but I moved house twice, next week I will be celebrating a decade of being full-time in missions, and as Remarks ministry we have started a new photo project which I will share in my next newsletter which I am hoping to send out before the end of the year. Meanwhile, I would love to hear back from you as well!
In loving memory of my Dad and to continue his legacy,
Tirza
In loving memory of my Dad and to continue his legacy,
Tirza
